Discover insightful advice on relationships

Question: I could use your advice on relationships. After four years of a long relationship with a man, I began to feel that I was enough is not romanced. It seemed that only with another comfortable; became we so broke by mutual agreement, we our relationship. Shortly thereafter I started see, someone who treats me the way and manner would like to be treated. My ex-boyfriend will now revived our relationship again. I'm not sure, who is better for me.

They are both exceptional people who want a serious relationship. If I am using one, I can't help but think of the other and one to compare to another. I would like to based on the comfort of an or the novelty of the other not my decision.

You are in fact a happy woman have two "exceptional" people in your life. Let's look at what we have. There is the familiarity on the one hand, the first and the fact that you have invested four years in the relationship.

The problem to keep the romance in a long-term relationship is not unusual, especially in women. It can be prepared in a variety of ways if both parties are committed to making it happen.

Even many years married couples have found that at least one night a week set aside for "Date night," alternately with each party the responsibility for the date after an impulse for the relationship can be.

However, this with the question of the large distance between the two of you is not. Not, if and as long as you are both certain to want to make, with more a commitment one of you would be unwise move.

With the second interest you have convenience instead of comfort. But this relationship is still new. So, it is premature to make a decision, although he has clearly the insider info, because they are local.

Is my question to you, why you have forced, now feel to this decision? Perhaps could explore both relationships and allow that your feelings are determined the direction that you should go. As long as both men for mating match your criteria, you could enjoy the company of both of them.

Trust that you know that many - if entweder--you would rather have a more permanent part of your life. My advice for relations of this type is still dating until a clear decision can be made by you.

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a clinical psychologist, child marriage, family therapist and sex therapist. Dr. Dreyfus, provides psychological services in the area of Los Angeles-Santa Monica for over 30 years. It offers individual psychotherapy, young people and adults, divorce mediation, couples counselling, group therapy, and career and career guidance and evaluation. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.

Originally published 3/5/98
Revised 1/16/09 by Marlene M. Maheu, PhD.

The over/under on relationships

So I've got this friend. Well, OK, it's technically my girl's friend, but we still kick it. She is now in her fourth "super serious" relationship of the year. My lady keeps reporting to me that Ms. Decisive is sure this one is definitely "The One." Amazingly, three to four months later, she always seems to discover that she is bored, er, I mean, has irreconcilable differences with the latest sucker.

If you can believe it, Mr. Right the Fourth is about to move in with her. As if she needs a reason to break up with him, leave it to some errant pee on the toilet, a spit cup from a coffee mug or a few stinky farts to seal the deal. The over/under is 2 months, and I'm taking the under.

Let me tell you something. We can learn a lot more about how this is going to end from her history than we can from what comes out of her mouth. The point is, when it comes to relationships, don't expect the future to be any different than the past. If he says he's going to cut back on drinking, it probably means he's going to try a tad harder to hide it from you. If she says she's going to spend less on shoes, she's just going to cut the paper trail and pay with cash -- I wouldn't stake out Payless or another discount store to find her. If you meet a guy or gal who is in a relationship, and you two hook up, thinking that you're now "the one" is kind of like thinking this might be a cool summer in Arizona: You're wrong, and you're going to suffer for it.

You get the idea. Tragic as it may seem, we are all very unlikely to change for love or lust. Unless you guys started dating at age 5, you're probably not going to have as much pull on your partner as you'd like. So decide if you're willing to live with their flaws, or get out while you can, with your belief in love still intact.

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