Women I Contact Look at My Profile but Never Respond

">Posted on July 25th, 2011 by Brad under: dating advice

A reader writes in the following question:

Hello, your site has been very helpful, but I still have another question.

I read the article on why woman may not respond to emails, but I have a related issue. What do you think it means if women that I email view my profile soon after, meaning they theoretically have read them, and then do absolutely nothing? This happens a lot to me and is quite frustrating.

Thanks for any insight you may have.

I think this type of response has some good news and possibly bad news in it.

The Good News

First, the good news: the goal of a first email is to get someone to look at your profile and for this reader that is happening. I actually think a bigger problem is if you send emails but the people you contact rarely check out your profile. It may not feel like it but if you are in this situation in one sense you are having some success.

The Bad News

The bad news would be that your profile might need some attention. The women are coming to your profile but then aren’t motivated to move beyond that.

If you’re using a free dating service I’d be particularly concerned: there’s nothing stopping someone from emailing you on a free dating service. If they view your profile and don’t respond it’s a strong indication that your profile didn’t catch their interest.

If you’re using a pay service then almost certainly some of these women aren’t subscribing so we shouldn’t look at every unresponded email as a “failure”.

Steps to Improve Your Profile

In many ways, your online dating profile is your way to market yourself in the online dating world. Just like marketing in other areas of life, some methods of marketing work far better than others.

If a company ran an advertisement online that people were willing to read but no one every visited their site and bought something, you can be sure they would adjust their advertisement and try again.

The same should be true for us as we date online: we shouldn’t see a low response rate as a reason to quit. Instead, we should try to adjust our profile to see if we can improve the number of people replying. But how do we do that?

Here are my thoughts:

Find a Good Friend
I discuss this in my dating guide but I’ll repeat it here: have some of your trusted friends review your profile. Try to pick friends who will be honest, too. Some friends will want to be nice no matter how bad your profile is. Better to pick the friend who is known for their blunt honest if you have a friend like that.

Have them review your profile. Do they feel you are doing a good job describing yourself? Do they think you might be leaving something out that others would find attractive? Also have them comment on your photos too because those are very important and should be treated as such.

I realize this suggestion may sound overly simple but many people treat their online dating profile like a deep, dark secret and wouldn’t ever consider showing it to even their closest friend. This is a mistake! Get some input.

Review Some Articles
Many people write their dating profile rapidly and without much thought. I think this is a mistake because you can end up leaving out important things and also because when we do this often our profiles end reading like every other dating profile out there.

I discuss my approach to creating a dating profile in my Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation article. I think being intentional about writing a dating profile will result in much better results.

Also, I believe it is important to recognize that low responses doesn’t always mean you are failing. There are many, many reasons why people don’t respond. You should want to always be improving your profile but at the same time don’t automatically assume this is the problem every time you don’t get a response.

Getting Help from Others
Finally, you can get help from others such as a professional dating profile writer. If you hire someone like this they should take the time to get to know you and understand how to represent you in the best light. I have also assisted with profile creation for readers of this site. Honestly though, I still encourage/prefer the idea of having a friend help you because they know you on a personal level.

If you do decided to pay for a profile rewrite, whoever you hire should be making a strong effort to better understand who you are and to rewrite your profile based on what they learn. If you hire someone and they rewrite your profile without even talking to you about it…I think that’s a bad sign.

To sum this up: if you’re not receiving many responses even after someone you contacted views your profile, don’t assume you’re cursed to never have success. Take some steps to try to improve your profile.

Looking for more dating advice? Check out my free online dating ebook..

Related posts:Match.com Winks and Women: How to Use and RespondThe Right Way to Encourage Contact in Your Dating ProfileDoes Your Dating Profile Photo Say What You Think It Does?

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b says:July 26, 2011 at 2:15 am

I think pictures that people upload says a lot of about them. It can be the pictures that may be the reason for women checking out your profile and then not responding. Women dont respond to pictures with just a huge close up (with sunglasses, making a face, etc), blurry pics, bathroom pics, ab pics, etc. This tells us hes not professional enough to at least upload a decent pic with a smile, body form, in a nice setting, etc. Hope this helps.

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AboutBrad is a happily married man that found great success (and his wife!) using online dating. He now shares his thoughts and experiences, on this site and in his free online dating guide, to assist others in finding success. Read More
Help! Where Do I Start?!Are you new to online dating or looking to improve your success? Subscribe and get my free 100+ page Online Dating Guide ebook now!

 Popular Articles30-Point Online Dating ChecklistWriting Your First EmailPreparing For The First DateStep-by-Step Profile Creation Guide
 Dating Service DiscountsMatch.com 20% DiscounteHarmony Promotion Codes - Save up to 20%View More Discounts >>

Recent PostsOnline Dating Success! Now What?eHarmony Now Showing Last Active DateProblems with the Second Online Dating EmailWhen Posting a Photo in Your Dating Profile is not an OptionPerfectMatch Free Communication Weekend: July 1st to 4thBad First Dates and YouCultural Dating DividesThe Single Life: A Funny Video on Online DatingMore First Email Examples for Online Dating
Recommended Dating Services Match.comRevieweHarmonyReviewPerfectMatchReview
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When Posting a Photo in Your Dating Profile is not an Option

">Posted on July 5th, 2011 by Brad under: online dating services

From time to time I am contacted by people who are uncomfortable posting their photo for public viewing on a dating site. This is almost always related to their job: professors, teachers, or professionals with a strong presence online are examples that I have run into.

These people are hesitant to reveal exactly who they are due to having students or just having the concern that someone could Google them and find out more information than they are comfortable with (such as a home address or phone number).

For professionals with an online presence, this is especially difficult since they work hard to improve people’s ability to find them online but then don’t want this to happen when dating online.

So how can these people have success online without posting their photo? Every statistic out there states that having a photo online improves your odds dramatically. Here are some thoughts on ways to still have success:

Don’t Use a Browsing Dating Service

First, many people who contact me seem to be most familiar with Match.com or sometimes OKCupid. Both of these dating services are browsing based: you log in and can browse through any profile you want. This is what makes the professor or teacher so uncomfortable: anyone could find them online, including one of their students.

The important thing here is that browsing based dating services are not the only option. Dating services like eHarmony provide you matches and there are a few benefits in this method:

No one can browse to find you. Only the people you are matched with will see your profile.

You will only be matched with specific people and most often this will eliminate any chance of a student seeing the profile (even if they have an account).eHarmony profiles are much more generalized and tend to put you in a position where you are revealing fewer specifics about yourself (these specifics are instead discussed with your matches as you move through the communication process which is the core of how eharmony works).Here’s the most important one: only paying subscribers can see photos. So not only would the person have to be matched with you to see your photo, they would also have to be committed enough to be paying for the service.

To me, eHarmony is a great option for the single concerned about their exposure online. For more on this service you can see my full eHarmony Review.

Still, perhaps you like the browsing services and would prefer to stick with a Match.com. The only other thought I have in that case is…

Promise to Share Photos

In your profile you can prominently state that you are willing to share your photo but because of your job (or whatever) you don’t share them by default. I say this should be the very first thing in your profile as an incentive for those who read it to try to start communicating with you.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t solve the biggest problem: people will often not even open profiles without photos. So how do you get them to open your profile in the first place?

First, you can use the heading of your profile to state you have photos. You can even have fun with it with something like “Don’t skip this profile – I do have photos!”

Guys, as the ones doing much of the initial contacting, you’re actually in a good spot if you need to avoid having photos. This is because every email you send is an invitation to look at your profile. You may find that your not having a photo does very little harm if you’re willing to actively reach out to others.Ladies, even though guys are often expected to do the contacting, in this situation you should be far more willing to do the same. At the very least wink at some guys to get them to check your profile out. You’ll need to be far more proactive than normal. Good news though: my wife didn’t have a photo on her profile and I still managed to find her! So while it makes it more difficult, having no photo doesn’t make it impossible.Still, If You Can Have a Photo…

All that said, if you can have a photo it really is best. You might want to check with a friend to be sure you’re not being overly paranoid about posting a photo. Maybe you are in a position that would absolutely prohibit you from placing photos on a dating site…but honestly most conversations I have don’t seem to suggest that is frequently the case.

Still, the it’s your call to make. Just make sure that if you’re not including photos that you’re taking steps to make sure you can still have a lot of success with online dating!

Looking for more dating advice? Check out my free online dating ebook..

Related posts:Selecting Your Main Photo for Your Dating ProfileDoes Your Dating Profile Photo Say What You Think It Does?Should Dating Sites Offer More Options for Hiding Your Photo?

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Lillian says:July 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I met a guy in this situation once. He was a assistant professor at a university in my city and refused to post a pic. I asked him for one and he willingly sent me one. That said…I can definitely see their point. I once saw a guy online who stated he was a professor and I thought “isnt he afraid if his student saw this?” he was young though, but after reading he seemed quite daring.

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AboutBrad is a happily married man that found great success (and his wife!) using online dating. He now shares his thoughts and experiences, on this site and in his free online dating guide, to assist others in finding success. Read More
Help! Where Do I Start?!Are you new to online dating or looking to improve your success? Subscribe and get my free 100+ page Online Dating Guide ebook now!

 Popular Articles30-Point Online Dating ChecklistWriting Your First EmailPreparing For The First DateStep-by-Step Profile Creation Guide
 Dating Service DiscountsMatch.com 20% DiscounteHarmony Promotion Codes - Save up to 20%View More Discounts >>

Recent PostsWomen I Contact Look at My Profile but Never RespondOnline Dating Success! Now What?eHarmony Now Showing Last Active DateProblems with the Second Online Dating EmailPerfectMatch Free Communication Weekend: July 1st to 4thBad First Dates and YouCultural Dating DividesThe Single Life: A Funny Video on Online DatingMore First Email Examples for Online Dating
Recommended Dating Services Match.comRevieweHarmonyReviewPerfectMatchReview
Dating Article Categoriesdating advicedating articlesdating linksdating profilesinternet datingonline dating guideonline dating newsonline dating servicespersonal experiencepromotionsramblingtechnology
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6 Fool-Proof Ways to Improve Your Online Dating Profile

In love - as in life - image matters a lot. When you set up or revamp your online dating profile, it's smart to present yourself in the best (and safest) light. How, you might ask? Just follow our six easy steps.

Hey Man, Nice Shot

Smile, and look into the camera. Pick a photo that doesn't include other people, those giant bug-eye sunglasses you love, or pounds of makeup. Remember - your dates want to see you. What doesn't work, according to researchers at the much heralded OKCupid dating site: a flirty expression on either gender while looking away from the camera - presumably at someone else. And keep in mind that excessive cleavage and drunken party shots may generate a big response, but probably not the kind you're looking for.

(Don't) Lie to Me

The truth is, many people exaggerate in their profiles - typically about height, weight, and income, but also about things like age, marital status, and how recent that "recent" photo was taken. The temptation to fib is understandable but unproductive. Lies will be found out, whether at your first meeting when you show up looking 10 years older and 6 inches shorter than your online self ... or later when you're more involved with someone and the stakes are higher. Don't set yourself - or your dates - up for that kind of heartache.

Quirky vs. Creepy

Mention your passions - that's how good conversations begin. But stop for a second to consider how potential dates will interpret what you say. Loving horror and suspense films is fine. Saying you've watched Silence of the Lambs 300 times might scare some people away. Save that for later in your real-world relationship, when your partner knows from experience that you're a sane and stable person who happens to really dig Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter.

Avoid Oversharing

Online dating is basically a high-tech way of talking to strangers. And while most people are online to find partners, it's safe to assume there are always going be some who are bent on doing harm. Be careful about what you post, even if you think it doesn't give anything away. If a potential date has your last name and you mention that you own a house in a particular city, for example, he or she could get resourceful and look you up in the online tax rolls (which are public record), get your address, find out how much you paid for your home, etc. From there it's a quick click to Google to see a satellite photo of your house, yard and maybe your car. Protect yourself by giving out minimal personal details until you know someone well and have met in person more than once.

Take it Easy

If you have a gift for writing and can communicate irony, it's fine to lay on a cheesy line. For most of us, though, it's best to steer clear of anything that might seem overbearing or heavy-handed - or just not translate well out of context. It's hard to read people's intent online - we can't see your facial expressions or hear your tone of voice - so "Where have I been all your life?" might seem hilarious to you but obnoxious to someone else. Once you get to know your potential dates in real life, then you can let that silly flag fly. But first you have to meet them, so play it cool for now.

Seriously, Folks

Like cheesy lines, too much kidding around in your profile can make suitors (or suit-ees) think you consider online dating one big joke. No one likes to be made fun of, or have their time wasted, so show people you're there because you really are looking for love. If you're not sure whether your light-hearted approach is too much, ask a friend to proof your profile and offer feedback.

With the right mug shot, the right information (honestly and carefully presented), and the right attitude, you'll be ready to meet others who are interested in what you're interested in: finding someone to spend time with, both on and offline. And maybe someone to watch Silence of the Lambs with for the 301st time.

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