The real-life consequences of online dating

Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

Maybe they don't have this problem in places like New York and L.A., but mine is a small city by many standards, and it seems like every single person here is dabbling in online dating. On the surface, this is great -- it ostensibly ups your chances for love if there are tons of people to choose from. But you also have to keep in mind that everyone means everyone.

So far, I've personally run across several the profiles of several dudes from middle school, a guy who works at my favorite happy hour haunt, a very close friend and one of my doctors. It seems like no big deal -- and maybe it doesn't have to be. But you have to keep in mind that stumbling across what is essentially a personals ad for someone you usually see in a completely different light can be jarring. It can make things awkward when you two meet again in person. And it can bring up issues you never thought about before.

Your single boss could stumble upon your profile and find out you actually hate your job -- and him. You might hit on your son's teacher, jeopardizing your relationship with someone you need to be able to count on. You could run into someone you recently rejected while you're sauntering down the street and have to figure out whether to ignore him or say hi. Do you really want to see your ex's profile? How about your roommate's and your best friend's?

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and myriad other social networking sites, we're starting to learn that the question of who has access to your info - - and even who is knows that you use certain digital tools -- can really matter. If anything, it's yet another reason to be cautious about what we send out over the Web, and maybe even another chance to reexamine how it's affecting our real lives.

  25 comments

View the original article here

Social Dating

There’s no doubt that social media like Facebook, Flickr and Twitter make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family, promote your business, and follow your favorite topics. But like any other tool, social media work best when used wisely - especially when it comes to dating. Making connections and getting timely information can be useful on the dating scene. On the other hand, it’s easy to slip into TMI territory with someone you hardly know. So how can you use your social networks to boost your social life?

Control Yourself - your online self. Use search engines to see what information is available online about you. You may find that your home address, relatives’ names and other personal information are out there. Do you want every potential date to have access to that data? If not, now’s the time to tighten up your privacy on Facebook and Twitter, decide which Flickr photos you want to be private or friends-only, and think about whether Foursquare really needs to know that you’re down at the corner bar right this minute. Make your searchable self show only what you’re comfortable sharing with strangers.

Search Around - If you haven't been looking up your potential dates online, start now. Online searches and public postings can help you verify that your love interest is who she says she is or does what she says she does. They can also reveal red flags or lapses in judgment that you might not otherwise learn about until much later - if ever - in a relationship. If nothing else, you’ll find out whether your potential date has a good handle on her online image.

Think Before You Friend - A good date is a good start, but you don’t need to link in with everyone you have dinner or drinks with. Carefully considering whom you add to your networks can save time and awkwardness, if those early dates don’t pan out. When you do add a new person to your networks, read his posts, see who his friends are, and look into how he acts online. And since he’ll be doing the same with you, once you add him, consider what you post. Do you want this guy reading about your extensive list of food allergies or your cat’s stomach rash while you’re trying to kindle a romance?

Pace Yourself - You wouldn’t drop by your date’s office five times a day to say hi, so show some discretion in making virtual contact. Too much social media interplay can be annoying and make you appear needy. If you’re on the receiving end of constant virtual attention, it could be a flag for anything from over-eagerness to a personality disorder. Decide how much contact you’re comfortable with and maintain that boundary.

Keep it Real - In the early stages of dating, it’s tempting to text, tweet or message your new love interest a lot, because it’s so easy to do. But don’t mistake virtual contact for really getting to know someone. There’s much you can learn about a person in person, or even over the phone, that you can’t online. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and the eagerness or reluctance with which someone discusses a subject are all types of information that you can only gather by being there.

And that’s the whole goal of dating after all: to enjoy someone’s company in person. So use your social media wisely to help you present yourself, protect yourself, and find the right person for you. Then spend some quality time together – offline.

View the original article here

The real-life consequences of online dating

Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

Maybe they don't have this problem in places like New York and L.A., but mine is a small city by many standards, and it seems like every single person here is dabbling in online dating. On the surface, this is great -- it ostensibly ups your chances for love if there are tons of people to choose from. But you also have to keep in mind that everyone means everyone.

So far, I've personally run across several the profiles of several dudes from middle school, a guy who works at my favorite happy hour haunt, a very close friend and one of my doctors. It seems like no big deal -- and maybe it doesn't have to be. But you have to keep in mind that stumbling across what is essentially a personals ad for someone you usually see in a completely different light can be jarring. It can make things awkward when you two meet again in person. And it can bring up issues you never thought about before.

Your single boss could stumble upon your profile and find out you actually hate your job -- and him. You might hit on your son's teacher, jeopardizing your relationship with someone you need to be able to count on. You could run into someone you recently rejected while you're sauntering down the street and have to figure out whether to ignore him or say hi. Do you really want to see your ex's profile? How about your roommate's and your best friend's?

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and myriad other social networking sites, we're starting to learn that the question of who has access to your info - - and even who is knows that you use certain digital tools -- can really matter. If anything, it's yet another reason to be cautious about what we send out over the Web, and maybe even another chance to reexamine how it's affecting our real lives.

  25 comments

View the original article here

8 first date ideas for outdoorsy types

Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

If you're looking for something a bit more original than the typical "dinner and a movie," more power to you. As a female, I can tell you that guys get major brownie points for coming up with and planning creative dates that prove they did more than open a newspaper. If your lady loves communing with nature, here are a few ideas for your initial rendezvous that will appeal to her outdoorsy side and make sure you get a second date.

Hiking the trails - The big secret about hiking that no one tells you is that it's really just walking by another name. Find a shaded trail in your neck of the woods and invite her along for the ride. The scenery will provide a welcome distraction while you two get to know each other.Rock climbing - One of my all-time favorite dates, this one requires some planning, as the two of you will need to take an intro class if you're not skilled climbers. Still, there are plenty of gyms that offer affordable introductions, and you usually get your own instructor. Develop trust by belaying each other, then satisfy your post-climbing appetites by grabbing some food.A picnic in the park - A classic first-date outing, it's hard to go wrong with a blanket, a picnic basket, and some home-made treats. Let your thoughtfulness shine through, then seal the deal with a PB&J.Horseback riding - At the risk of generalizing, women love horses. Whether it's the "white knight" angle or just the excitement of sitting atop an animal several times your size, horseback riding lessons, or even a tour à la cheval, will up the romance factor of any outing.Kayaking - For those lucky enough to live near a body of water, why not rent a kayak (yes, just one, gentlemen ... you do the paddling) and float around? While swimming is probably a little much (she'd likely prefer not to be nearly-naked the first time the two of you hang out), the water is the perfect place to see sparks.Skydiving - If you've got a daredevil on your hands, you'll create a lifelong bond by leaping out of a plane, hand in hand. Not for the faint of heart, it's an unbelievable rush - and the thrill of touching back down on the sweet, solid earth is sure to bring you two closer together.Riding bikes - Looking for something a bit tamer? Scope out the city on two wheels. If you're serious about wooing this one, you might even consider renting a tandem bike. It's a risk, and possibly a bit on the cheesy side, but it's hard to deny the appeal of "a bicycle built for two."Camping - It might be a stretch for a first date, but if you're really jonesing for an outdoor adventure, throw a tent in the truck and whisk her away to a secluded spot. Pros: No TV, menu-perusing, or snotty waiters to distract you. Cons: bears!
  1 comments

View the original article here

The over/under on relationships

So I've got this friend. Well, OK, it's technically my girl's friend, but we still kick it. She is now in her fourth "super serious" relationship of the year. My lady keeps reporting to me that Ms. Decisive is sure this one is definitely "The One." Amazingly, three to four months later, she always seems to discover that she is bored, er, I mean, has irreconcilable differences with the latest sucker.

If you can believe it, Mr. Right the Fourth is about to move in with her. As if she needs a reason to break up with him, leave it to some errant pee on the toilet, a spit cup from a coffee mug or a few stinky farts to seal the deal. The over/under is 2 months, and I'm taking the under.

Let me tell you something. We can learn a lot more about how this is going to end from her history than we can from what comes out of her mouth. The point is, when it comes to relationships, don't expect the future to be any different than the past. If he says he's going to cut back on drinking, it probably means he's going to try a tad harder to hide it from you. If she says she's going to spend less on shoes, she's just going to cut the paper trail and pay with cash -- I wouldn't stake out Payless or another discount store to find her. If you meet a guy or gal who is in a relationship, and you two hook up, thinking that you're now "the one" is kind of like thinking this might be a cool summer in Arizona: You're wrong, and you're going to suffer for it.

You get the idea. Tragic as it may seem, we are all very unlikely to change for love or lust. Unless you guys started dating at age 5, you're probably not going to have as much pull on your partner as you'd like. So decide if you're willing to live with their flaws, or get out while you can, with your belief in love still intact.

View the original article here

Online dating rules to live by: It's never personal

Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

How to survive digital rejection with your dignity intact

That headline seems ridiculous, right? I mean, what is dating if not extremely, completely, horrendously, desperately personal? How can you go about searching for the one person that makes your heart feel whole without getting at least a little bit personal?

It seems weird, but when it comes to looking for love online, you need to remember that it's not about you -- at least not for awhile. Most of us who've dipped even a toe into the tepid waters of online dating have felt at certain times that maybe we're just not made for computer-based romance. We're not photogenic enough or we just can't write; our icebreakers keep getting rejected and our winks are never returned.

If you happen to be one of the thousands who isn't having success on the dating sites, you should definitely consider tweaking your profile and having a friend take some pictures that show off your good side. But once you've done that, you need to keep in mind that your digital dry spell is probably temporary. Anyone who's tried out one of the many dating sites knows that luck tends to ebb and flow like the member pool. But most importantly, when someone flakes out on you or makes it clear that they don't share your feelings of attraction, you need to not take it personally.

The truth is, you can't possibly know why that girl isn't interested. Maybe you she hates dogs and you have a boxer. Maybe she's intimidated by your intellectual prowess and professional success. Or maybe she just met someone and wants to see where it goes. No matter what, it ultimately has very little to do with you. And while we're all tempted to decide that it's our massive forehead and clown-like ears, the more likely scenario is that she had something else going on ... or she just wasn't your type anyway.

  20 comments

View the original article here

6 Fool-Proof Ways to Improve Your Online Dating Profile

In love - as in life - image matters a lot. When you set up or revamp your online dating profile, it's smart to present yourself in the best (and safest) light. How, you might ask? Just follow our six easy steps.

Hey Man, Nice Shot

Smile, and look into the camera. Pick a photo that doesn't include other people, those giant bug-eye sunglasses you love, or pounds of makeup. Remember - your dates want to see you. What doesn't work, according to researchers at the much heralded OKCupid dating site: a flirty expression on either gender while looking away from the camera - presumably at someone else. And keep in mind that excessive cleavage and drunken party shots may generate a big response, but probably not the kind you're looking for.

(Don't) Lie to Me

The truth is, many people exaggerate in their profiles - typically about height, weight, and income, but also about things like age, marital status, and how recent that "recent" photo was taken. The temptation to fib is understandable but unproductive. Lies will be found out, whether at your first meeting when you show up looking 10 years older and 6 inches shorter than your online self ... or later when you're more involved with someone and the stakes are higher. Don't set yourself - or your dates - up for that kind of heartache.

Quirky vs. Creepy

Mention your passions - that's how good conversations begin. But stop for a second to consider how potential dates will interpret what you say. Loving horror and suspense films is fine. Saying you've watched Silence of the Lambs 300 times might scare some people away. Save that for later in your real-world relationship, when your partner knows from experience that you're a sane and stable person who happens to really dig Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter.

Avoid Oversharing

Online dating is basically a high-tech way of talking to strangers. And while most people are online to find partners, it's safe to assume there are always going be some who are bent on doing harm. Be careful about what you post, even if you think it doesn't give anything away. If a potential date has your last name and you mention that you own a house in a particular city, for example, he or she could get resourceful and look you up in the online tax rolls (which are public record), get your address, find out how much you paid for your home, etc. From there it's a quick click to Google to see a satellite photo of your house, yard and maybe your car. Protect yourself by giving out minimal personal details until you know someone well and have met in person more than once.

Take it Easy

If you have a gift for writing and can communicate irony, it's fine to lay on a cheesy line. For most of us, though, it's best to steer clear of anything that might seem overbearing or heavy-handed - or just not translate well out of context. It's hard to read people's intent online - we can't see your facial expressions or hear your tone of voice - so "Where have I been all your life?" might seem hilarious to you but obnoxious to someone else. Once you get to know your potential dates in real life, then you can let that silly flag fly. But first you have to meet them, so play it cool for now.

Seriously, Folks

Like cheesy lines, too much kidding around in your profile can make suitors (or suit-ees) think you consider online dating one big joke. No one likes to be made fun of, or have their time wasted, so show people you're there because you really are looking for love. If you're not sure whether your light-hearted approach is too much, ask a friend to proof your profile and offer feedback.

With the right mug shot, the right information (honestly and carefully presented), and the right attitude, you'll be ready to meet others who are interested in what you're interested in: finding someone to spend time with, both on and offline. And maybe someone to watch Silence of the Lambs with for the 301st time.

View the original article here